


Collateral Damage

by Ladybug_21



Category: Shetland (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Office Family, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22505902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladybug_21/pseuds/Ladybug_21
Summary: After the incident in Glasgow, Tosh and her colleagues rely on each other for support. (Spoilers for Season 3.)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 35





	Collateral Damage

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished Season 3 of _Shetland_ and have SO MANY emotions surrounding... really everything, but especially Tosh's storyline, and the perfectly calibrated talks she had with Office Dad Jimmy Perez and Office Mum Rhona Kelly. I also may have cried a bit during the scene with Billy McCabe that inspired this fic. And there's the fact that, on a happier note, every time Sandy Wilson appeared onscreen, I invariably squeed over him being the absolute sweetest.
> 
> I own no rights to these characters.

Tosh had asked Billy to tell Sandy, and so that was precisely what Billy intended to do. Only problem was, it had taken Billy a solid five minutes to get his own emotions under control after Tosh had declined a hug and left. Even the next day, when Sandy wandered in, brow furrowed seriously over some question or another, Billy felt the same frantic helplessness surge back up within his chest and throat as he contemplated what it was he needed to say.

"You seen Tosh?" Sandy asked. "Only I need some help pulling all of these case files concerning Phyllis Brennan and Calvin Sarwar, and I thought she might be..."

"She's just gone out for lunch," said Billy.

"Oh." Sandy frowned slightly, and he sighed, his arms crossed. "Billy, will you be straight with me, if I ask you something? Has Tosh seemed a little off to you, ever since... you know..."

Billy choked down yet another wave of sorrow, breathed in deeply, lowered his eyes to the stacks of paper scattered across the top of his desk.

"Aye," he confirmed quietly.

"You don't..." Sandy let out a little huff of frustration. "It's just, I can see that she's suffering, and I want to help her however I can. But I feel like she's avoiding me in particular, in a strange way. Still talks all the time with the Inspector, but never even meets my eyes when we pass. I cannae remember having done anything to offend her, but if she's mentioned it's anything I've done..."

"It's nowt to do with you, Sandy."

Despite his best efforts, tears pricked at the corners of Billy's eyes. He didn't resent Tosh for asking him to be the messenger—was honoured that she'd trusted him, and was damn glad that she didn't have to face it all again, any more than she already did in every waking moment. But that didn't make it any easier for Billy to have to confront his own rage and despair once more.

Sandy looked slightly mollified, but still unconvinced.

"You're sure...?"

"Aye, lad." Billy sighed heavily. "I don't really know how to say this, but she asked me to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Sandy's earnest face was suddenly apprehensive.

"She..." Billy's voice caught, and he paused before trying again. "She was hurt in Glasgow, Sandy. Hurt badly. Not in a way that any of us could see, but in a way that goes deeper than bruises and cuts. And it's not easy for her to discuss, not when we as a society are so bad at addressing when it happens, without making it seem like the woman asked for it. But she wanted you to know."

Sandy's face had contorted, and his breathing was sharp and rapid.

"No," he pleaded quietly. "Billy, that can't... she can't have been..."

"I'm sorry, lad," Billy replied softly.

Sandy shook his head slightly, still trying to deny reality, and then he dashed from the room. Billy watched out the window as Sandy emerged from the building, bent over in two as if he had just finished running a marathon. Then Sandy straightened back up and howled his fury and pain into the wind, to linger amid the gulls and and the tang of sea salt.

* * *

Rhona had been reading the same paragraph over and over for the past twenty minutes, and nothing was sinking in. Not when her mind kept circling back to every accusation that Jimmy had calmly levelled at Phyllis, to the fact that Phyllis hadn't denied _any_ of it...

"Come in," she called when someone knocked politely on her door. Thank god, a chance to refocus her mind on something that she could perhaps actually control.

But then Tosh entered, face still drawn and serious, a solemn shadow of her usual chipper self.

"You said you'd be around, if I wanted to talk," she said.

"Of course," said Rhona.

She knew that anything Phyllis had done was her own bloody fault, but for some reason, Rhona couldn't help but feel struck with an irrational sense of guilt when she looked at Tosh, knowing what she now knew. _I_ _trusted her, and look what she allowed him to have done to you, Tosh_.

"I've been thinking." Tosh hesitated. She hadn't even moved towards the chair opposite Rhona's, was still hovering indecisively near the door. "You said it's not about what everyone else wants, it's about what I need. And what I need is some space."

Tosh hadn't once looked directly at Rhona since entering her office, but she finally raised her eyes.

"You understand?" she asked.

"I do," said Rhona heavily. "We'll miss you, Tosh. And we'll always be here, if you need us."

"I know." A flicker of the old Tosh appeared with the tiny smile that flitted across her face. "If it were anyone else, I wouldn't be blaming anyone but the attacker. But it's hard, you know, to think rationally like that when it's happened to you. So I really appreciate the way everyone's been reminding me that it's his fault, not mine, no matter what led to it happening. Thank you, for having stood by me like you have."

"Of course, dear." Rhona's voice caught in her throat, her own smile twitchy. "Of course."

* * *

"Tosh is requesting a transfer," Jimmy sighed, dropping into the chair before Rhona's desk as he handed her the letter.

"Aye," said Rhona quietly. She was sitting on top of her desk, staring out the window, and she placed the letter down next to her without reading it.

Jimmy glanced at her.

"You knew."

"We discussed it. And please, Jimmy, don't you get angry with me for not warning you in advance. It was her decision to make, and not mine to share."

"I know, I know." Jimmy ran a hand across the stubble on his chin. "It's just a lot, you know? Cass running off to Brazil with this boyfriend of hers, and now Tosh leaving us..."

Rhona smiled, in spite of everything. This was what came of Jimmy feeling like he had some duty to parent every young woman under the age of thirty who crossed his path.

"It's nothing to do with you," she reminded him gently. "You've done everything you possibly could for Tosh, and you know she'll always trust you with her life. But you can't exactly blame her for wanting to get away, not after what happened."

"She told you, then?"

"Aye." She reconsidered. "Well, not in as many words. But I know."

In one sharp and sudden movement, Rhona twisted away from the window, her back towards Jimmy.

"What kind of a person commissions something like that to be done to a young woman?" she asked, her voice muffled. "And what kind of a person stands by and knowingly lets him get away with it?"

Jimmy blinked.

"Rhona, she didn't _know_..."

"Maybe she didn't know about _this_ ," Rhona snapped, turning halfway around so she could glower at Jimmy. "But she knew _exactly_ what kind of a man Calvin Sarwar was, Jimmy. She knew. And she protected him all these years, anyway. Who knows how many other people have been hurt just as badly as Tosh because of all the times she turned a blind eye."

Jimmy said nothing, but nudged a box of tissues towards Rhona, who seized one gratefully with a terse smile.

"I really loved her," she continued, smudging her eyeliner as she dabbed aggressively at her eyes. "Was ready and willing to give all of this up for her."

"Phyllis helped us, you know. Once she realised what a grave mistake she'd made, she gave us her statement, she let us wire her so we could get a watertight confession of guilt from Sarwar..."

"So, she was honest about exactly how crooked she was." Rhona smiled grimly. "That's cold comfort."

"Look, I might well have done something equally stupid for Cassie's sake," Jimmy offered.

"You wouldn't, Jimmy." Rhona sighed. "I know you might feel that way, but you wouldn't. And maybe I can understand why Phyllis did what she did to protect her son. But I'm not sure I can ever forgive how that decision ended up hurting our Tosh."

"Aye, well," Jimmy answered softly. He stood. "Come on, you look like you could use a drink."

"Only if you're paying, Perez," sniffed Rhona, but she slid off the edge of her desk and grabbed her coat anyway.

* * *

"Sandy?"

Sandy was sitting on a stone wall, dangling his legs off the edge, looking out towards the sea.

"All right, Tosh?" he asked as she sat down next to him.

Tosh didn't reply, only sighed softly and looked out towards the water herself.

"Yeah," she said after a moment, and Sandy nodded.

Tosh listened to the crash of the waves, to their staggered predictability, their roar and hiss beneath the cries of the birds gliding overhead.

"I asked Billy to tell you something," she said finally.

Sandy stiffened.

"Aye," he replied.

"So he did. Good. I wasn't sure..."

"I didn't know if you'd want me to remind you of it again," Sandy mumbled. "I didn't know how I should react. So I didn't say anything, for fear of doing something wrong. Oh, god, Tosh, I hope you didn't think that I didn't _care_ enough to..."

"No," Tosh shook her head. "No, I never thought that, Sandy. I just wanted to be sure you knew."

It almost made her laugh, to think that Sandy had worried that she thought he didn't care— _Sandy_ , who took such delight in being kind to children and to senior citizens, who always so wanted to do the right thing. Who cared so deeply that he had opted to give Tosh room to breathe rather than risk causing her more pain.

"And given the pace of this past week, it's probably best that you acted like things were normal," she added. "Or, as normal as they ever are in this line of work, I should say."

Sandy grimaced slightly as he recalled the kitchen knife stuck between Asha Israni's ribs, but he gave Tosh a grateful nod nonetheless.

"I've requested a transfer," she told him. "Need a change of scenery while I work through some things."

"Aye," he nodded. "Is there anything that I can do for you, until then?"

"No." Tosh shook her head. "But thank you for asking."

Sandy nodded again, then brushed at his cheek with the back of his hand. And Tosh—who normally would have thrown an arm around Sandy, or at least bumped her shoulder against his—could do nothing but stand quietly by as Sandy grieved for her and the wind lashed at the two of them on the stone wall by the sea.

* * *

"How're things today?" Billy asked Tosh as she dragged herself indoors from the biting wind outside.

"Fine." Tosh managed a smile for Billy. "Billy, I might be leaving."

Billy's smile slipped slowly off his face and he sat down in his chair.

"You're all right, Tosh?" he asked.

"No." Tosh shook her head. "I think it'll be awhile yet before I'm all right, Billy. But I think it'll be easier to get to that place, if I'm not here."

"Aye," whispered Billy.

"It's nothing to do with any of you," Tosh continued. "I can't think of a better group of friends to get me through this, you know? But now that the Maguire case is closed, it's time for me to get away for a bit, try to forget just a little, outside of Shetland."

"Well, we'll miss you, lady," Billy said, his voice slightly choked. "When do you leave?"

"Dunno." Tosh folded her arms. "Nothing's set in stone yet. I just wanted you to be prepared."

Billy nodded.

"Well, until then, if there's anything you need..."

"I'll let you know." Tosh smiled, then tentatively reached out and placed her hand on Billy's shoulder. "Thanks, Billy."

Billy nodded, and, withdrawing her hand, Tosh moved on.


End file.
